


Wish You Were Here With Me

by Mamogirl



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Anxiety, Brian's voice, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Frick and Frack, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurities, M/M, Nick is the best boyfriend eva
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 20:34:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5178701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mamogirl/pseuds/Mamogirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>And when you’re scared and alone</i><br/>Just know that I’m already home</p><p> </p><p>  <i>“Already Home, A Great Big World.”</i></p><p> </p><p>In the end, Brian will alway need Nick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wish You Were Here With Me

Wish You Were Here With Me

_And when you’re scared and alone  
Just know that I’m already home_

_“Already Home, A Great Big World.”_

 

 

The phone had started to ring while they were still riding in the van. He hadn’t answered it immediately, and not because he didn’t want to ‘cause Lord knew how much he needed to hear his voice and melt and disappear within his comfort and endless love. He hadn’t answered it because he knew that he’d probably broke down just hearing his voice saying _“Hello”_ and that was the last thing he wanted to do in front of the other three: he could already feel the burning intensity of their concerning looks on him, he could already sense their desire to reach out and try to smooth away the edges of his pain while all he wanted to do was just disappear.

All he wanted to do was to curl so tight that, somehow, he could manage to hide inside himself, a sort of running away so that he wouldn’t have to deal with that burning, and oh so familiar, sensation of shame and failure.

Tears, hot and embarrassing, started to fight for freedom. He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the cold surface of the window, blocking the flashing lights of the night and the reflections of three friendly faces. The night had been unusually warm, for it was just the beginning of the November and winter should had already started to stretch its arms and legs; instead, a lukewarm breeze had started to breath amidst the skyscrapers and the neon lights of advertising signs, giving people an unexpected thrill of autumn; the sky was an infinite quilt, painted in a dark blue shade and brightened up by those small silver dots that everyone looked up and wished for their dreams to be realized; the moon was acting like a water lily, dressed up with its brightest dress and wanted to be called as a midnight sun. Strangers were walking by, unfamiliar faces so wrapped up inside their lives and their plans for caring about that ordinary and anonymous van strolling beside them on the road: he was watching them, a thrill of longing to be just like them a face among others so no one would actually care if his voice wasn’t still perfect or couldn’t hold on anymore. So none of his three friends would feel sorry for him, pitying him and debating what they should do with him and with that voice that kept letting them and everyone else down. That voice that kept disappointing thousands and thousands of fans all around the world.

So many times he had wanted for them to get angry at him, instead than looking at him as if they could feel and share his own pain and shame; so many times he had wanted to be screamed at, resentful words about how he was dragging all of them down that hell hole that had been made only for him; so many time he had wanted for them to force him to quit, step back until he would get that shit all sorted out and go back to his old self, that lead singer that had brought them to the highest point of fame and recognition. And, oh, so many times he had wanted to be the one raising his hands up and surrender to a fight that he would never be able to win; so many times he had wanted to bow his head down one last time and then be gone for good. And yet, instead, no one would ever take a step and never did anything to change that situation or, at least, to try and make it better for everyone: they let him sit alone in the last seats of the van, they let him sulk with that sad look inside his eyes because they already knew that none of their words, wet of comfort and support, would be well received and accepted. They let him sit all alone because they already knew that only one person could be able to get through that tall and impenetrable wall made of bricks of self-hatred and defiance; only one person could soothe and instill hope and confidence in a soul that still bore on its skin open and bleeding wounds that had yet to become invisible scars.

Finally the van stopped in front of the hotel where they were staying for those couple of days: the performance of that night had been only an intermission between hours and hours of recording in a studio, songs and songs that were finally piling up and were already ready to be put on the new album that many and many fans were waiting impatiently. They didn’t really announce their presence in the big city, hanging onto an anonymity that allowed them to just focus on their work without having to answer why there were only four of them, although everyone knew why the fifth member of the group wasn’t part of that recording session. So, for all those reasons and thanks to a fame that had diminished during the years, they had been able not to meet any fans hanging out and waiting for them outside their hotel: he kept his eyes down, nonetheless, and hurried inside because he wanted nothing more than closing in himself and within the security and the privacy of his own room. He longed to be alone, he longed to let his walls crashing down and for the rage, and the angry beast roaring inside of his soul, to escape and scream its pain and frustration; he longed to answer that phone call and let that loving voice putting a balsam on his wounds, even though time hadn’t taught him not to despise and hate how weak and dependent he had became.

Goodnights were exchanged briskly in the air of the bright hall of the hotel, firm and comforting hands leaned on the shoulder or on the back while the fingers whispered a silent “ _It’s okay, don’t beat yourself up because you still did a great job”_ and he tried, or did he tried, to make a smile appear and reassure his friends that he was going to be okay. A quick glance around, that pained and even more concerned look upon his friends’ face, told him that he didn’t quite manage that task. 

“Tomorrow I’ll do better. I swear. – Whispered words managed to fly out his chopped lips, dried skin from dehydration and that nervous habit to bite down on them when anxiety got the best of him. – It’ll be better in the studio. I promise.”

He never looked up while pronouncing those words. They were all inside the elevator, climbing up floors on floors, and he knew he had to say something. He knew he had to promise that something like that night wasn’t going to happen ever again. But he couldn’t look up, he couldn’t lift his gaze and cross the other boys’ eyes fearing what he might found inside them. Pity? Compassion? Disbelief? All of those emotions?

“Ehi. Ehi. Don’t worry, okay? We know that...” Kevin never had the chance to finish his sentence, for the metallic ping of the lift interrupted him and announced that they had arrived at their destination. He kinda wanted to kick those metallic walls for their interruption because they allowed and let the man escape another attempt to soothe his insecurities: it hadn’t been a disaster, not quite like _he_ was imaging it had been. Most of all, Kevin wanted to reassure his cousin that they weren’t mad or disappointed, they couldn’t and wouldn’t been when they knew how much and how hard he was still working to recover. But Kevin never got the chance to start his sentence again, the ring of the phone started to play again as soon as they were out of the lift and inside the hall.

“I need to take this. I need to answer him.” Brian mouthed as an apology, glad to have an excuse to retreat and not having to stand there and listen to his cousin’s speech. He already knew what he was about to say and, as much as he longed to be comforted and to know that he hadn’t been that giant failure, a part of his brain forced him to keep walking and put distance between him and what was going to be only a bunch of pitiful words full of false compassion. He couldn’t bare it. Not that night, especially. Not when he already felt as the weight of the destiny of the group had been placed once again on his shoulders, dragging him on the floor because he wasn’t still strong enough to bear and carry it as in the past.

So Brian just turned his back on Kevin and the other two, murmuring a goodnight and walking fast towards his room. The phone kept ringing and ringing, stopping for a bunch of brief seconds and then starting again, sounding more and more insistent and frustrated because it wanted to be answered. Something that Brian did when the door of his room closed behind his back. Only then he knew he had to take that call.

Nick’s call.

Nick calling from far away, maybe calling between breaks of rehearsals and getting more and more annoyed because he couldn’t reach him. But Brian had been annoyed too, a sort of strange resentment had crawled up beneath his skin because, maybe, nothing might had happen if Nick had been with them, with him, instead than being busy dancing on his own.

No, that was unfair and Brian hated himself and that small voice for had given energy and strength to that thought. It wasn’t Nick’s fault if he had screwed up and, mostly, it wasn’t like his presence would have changed the outcome because Brian knew that he would have struggled on that verse, just as like he had done for the better part of the last years. Blaming Nick and his busy schedule was all just what ifs and maybes, little alibis and justifications that a part of his brain wanted to use to cover its own mistakes and messing ups.

Indeed, thou, performing without Nick by his side had been strange and weird for Brian. It kinda confused him for he had grown accustomed to just look over his shoulder and be comforted by just one smile and a loving gaze. Brian had missed Nick and not just only his voice, not just because his presence would had taken off pressure and attention from him and his still hesitating progresses; Brian had missed Nick because of what he had become for him through the years and between ups and downs: a rock and a source of infinite support, a warmth that could be shared even with a simple and brief smile, or look. when no one else was paying attention to them; a reassurance that placated each and every monsters, forcing them to retreat and letting Brian soaring up in a field where he had always been perfect and the best. One smile and any struggle or mistakes was long gone, disappeared under a support and a love that couldn’t be explained with words or images.

“Stop. Just stop.” Nick didn’t even waste time on greetings or on asking how he was feeling. Or how the performance went. He already knew how it went for he had forced his dancing partners to interrupt any rehearsals they were doing and watch the group’s performance on his laptop. And Nick already knew how Brian was holding up, over the years he had learned to read even the little and smallest messages sent by Brian’s body and those lips curved in a disgusted grimace. Nick already knew how Brian was already beating himself up for that brief struggle, erasing from his memory the mere fact that his voice didn’t give out like just after the diagnosis or didn’t break like it did when the situation had been at its worst peak. Nick knew and not just because they were lovers, partners and the better half of their souls; Nick knew because Brian had been his sun and he had spent the longest part of his life looking and observing him, studying that person that seemed to hold inside himself an universe too bigger for someone so small, an universe where apparently there wasn’t any black clouds or angry storms. Apparently, thou. Now Nick knew better, now Nick had discovered that what Brian showed to the world was just a little part of an iceberg that went so deep and so low into the unknown ocean. Now Nick knew how that stupid and small mistake, inside Brian’s mind, had the chance and the probability to turn into a weapon he could use to beat himself up and drag himself back into that black hole he was just now coming out from.

And he wasn’t going to allow it anymore.

Brian didn’t reply. Brian couldn’t reply because all the tension and all the emotions had joined force and became a lump inside his throat, a knot too hard to get past or trying to talk over it. Nick knew him too well, no matter how many times he had tried to shield and hide from him that dark and worst part of his soul and spirit. It had never been enough and, yet, he still found himself speechless in front of that witness of a love that seemed to grow stronger despite the bad times and blood that had tried to separate them.

With a wet breath Brian closed his eyes and slid down on the carpet-covered floor, his back against the door and the hand still clutching the phone between his fingers; he brought his knees close to his chest and leaned his forehead against them, recalling all the breathing exercises his therapist had taught him to do when things became too much, when he longed to hide and disappear until he could find the strengths to make it as nothing was wrong. That trick didn’t work anymore, especially not with Nick.

“Bri, talk to me. Don’t hide just because I’m not there to see your mask and your façade crumbling down. Just talk to me.”

A sob escaped Brian’s lips. He couldn’t hold it back anymore: between the years, among the layers shattered by abuse and depression, Nick’s love had swept in and burned away every defenses and every walls he had built; that love, just like waves and waves of a warm ocean, had managed to erase and soothe all those weights Brian had placed upon his shoulders, bags of pressure and expectations to be the Brian everyone wanted and needed him to be.

Expectations that he kept disappointing over and over again…

“B, I’m serious. Stop all this crap and nonsense that I’m pretty sure is whirling inside your mind in this very moment. – Yet, there weren’t any traces of annoyance and frustration intertwined between Nick’s words. There was only an infinite patience and support, something that not many people would link and think that the boy could be able to be. There was only a slight light of hatred, that anger of someone who had to accept the fact that he wasn’t able to heal completely the person they loved the most: the only thing Nick could do was just using his words, though sometimes he couldn’t get them out in the right and perfect way, and hoping that his love and support could be enough. They had to be enough. – You did good. More than good. Yes, you weren’t perfect but no one wanted or expected you to be flawless again so soon...”

“I wanted to be perfect. – Brian objected with a small voice, latched with tears that he didn’t want to let win. Mostly because he was tired of how those scenarios always ended out: him crying, him hiding somewhere and that sinking and hateful feeling that, not so slowly, kept getting bigger and bigger until it was the only power controlling all of his thoughts. And they weren’t good. Oh, they were the total opposite of good. They were small knives that kept carving and carving, digging a hole in a confidence that once upon a time had been strong and proud of his work. And himself. Not anymore. – I just wanted... I just wanted to make everyone happy, repaying all the love and support I received in the past years. I wanted to make everyone proud. Especially you.”

“Oh Bri. – Nick murmured, his tone broken by the longing to reach out and just envelope the small frame of that man inside his hug. – I’m proud. How can I not be after all we’ve been through? It’s not a small mistake that can change it. Despite of it, you were still amazing.”

“I wasn’t amazing. – Brian replied with a wet laughter. – I wasn’t even more than average. Maybe below it. But not amazing.”

“You pretend too much from yourself, that’s your problem. You were amazing and you know why? Because, at least, you still tried. You still went up that stage and tried, And you know that’s the only way to recover: trying and trying. And, one day, you won’t have to try anymore and you’re gonna blow everyone’s mind away.”

“But... – Brian bite down his lip, knowing that he was going to sound like an annoying brat, a child that wanted to get his parents’ approval and wasn’t satisfied of his own results. Most of all, Brian was becoming more and more impatient, tired of that war that was dragging for too long. – … but I shouldn’t have to try. Singing, especially that song, shouldn’t be trying. It should be natural. It used to be natural.” He was frustrated, Brian, and he lashed it out by hitting his head against the door behind him. He was frustrated more with himself because, logically, he knew that patience was the only cure for his situation. But he couldn’t help himself.

“Oh, baby, I know it sucks. It sucks big time because it’s not fair. But you are way better than you were last year, hell, even just a few months ago. You are frustrated and you have every right to be but you should be proud of where you are standing. You should be proud of all the obstacles you have already overcome. Isn’t this what you used to tell me when I was in your shoes?”

A small smile curved Brian’s lips, part of his irritability already disappearing under those words. Nick was right, those had been his own words back when Nick had been the one going through his own stuff, back when he had to build himself up after deciding to quit bad habits, and fight that heart condition that seemed like a death sentence hanging over his head.

“You can’t use my own words against me, you know?”

“I can and I will keep using them. – Nick joked, a sense of relief washing over him after hearing that playful tone inside Brian’s tone. Those jokes that were natural, not that overused trick that Brian had used to mask and hide his depression. – But I’m proud. We are proud. And I know that Aj, Kevin and Howie aren’t mad because your voice missed a note.”

“And how do you know this?”

“I simply asked them. There is this little thing called telephone, you know? You can actually send a small message without calling.”

Nick’s words did the trick, a magical trick that only seemed to work when they were pronounced by that one person that knew him more than anyone else in the world: those words unraveled that intricate web that had Brian’s mind and spirit trapped as if they were frail and unprotected flies. It wasn’t easy, oh, definitely not. It wasn’t easy to accept that the truth wasn’t that lie that had been whispered and murmured endlessly inside his mind; it wasn’t easy to accept that all those thoughts, all those fears and anxieties didn’t stand a chance if they were to transport in the real world, losing all their powers and forced to surrender themselves in front of Nick’s words and infinite faith. It wasn’t easy because those thoughts had kept Brian company even, and mostly, when Nick hadn’t been in his life; they had been his only friend when the world started to crumble around him and he needed a place to hide and cover. It wasn’t because Brian knew now that the real enemy wasn’t a voice that had decided to take a holiday, it wasn’t a diagnosis that hadn’t a quick and painless cure: the real enemy was his own self, a rusted and weak monster that had been kept alive by Brian’s insecurities and pressure, that had grew stronger and bigger only because Brian had allowed him to do so.

Just like that night.

Just like in that very and precise moment when, even though Nick’s words sounded truth and real, his messed up brain was still trying to win the war and be the only voice Brian would had had to listen and be convinced.

Brian’s head hit the door once again, hoping that it would put an end of that never ending fight. At least for that night. He was tired. Exhausted as a body dragged around and around for hours. When would enough be enough? When would he be able to put a stop or mute all of his anxieties and insecurities? When would he be able not to question every single step in that process that was supposed to heal his soul and his mind? When would he be able to be proud again of his voice and the way he had overcome that war that had quite managed to suffocate him? When would he be able to finally look back and realize how far he had come instead than worrying about how far he was still from being back to his old self?

“I was ready, you know? I felt ready, I felt like I could do it just like the old times, back when I hated that song only because we had, and still have, to sing it everywhere and every time. I did all of my exercises, I didn’t have any panic attacks and it was good when I rehearsed it one last time with Aj. And it felt so good, I was finally happy knowing that I could go out and sing my part like it was meant to be made. But then... then the lights came on, the music started and my nerves just... – Brian shook his head as if that gesture could be able to erase all of his memories of those moments. No such of luck, not even when Brian closed his eyes and let out a frustrated sigh because he still could feel his stomach churning and becoming the victim of long and sharp claws, an invisible beast that had suddenly came out from nowhere as if it had sensed blood and fears to feed on. Brian still could feel those muscles becoming pillars of hard cement around his vocal chords and blocking any passage possible for air and his voice. - … I kept thinking that everyone was just waiting for me to sing, to point their fingers if I wasn’t going to be perfect because they expect me to be flawless. So I panicked. As usual, right? I wanted to prove to everyone that I was back, that they didn’t have to worry or cringe when I would sing that song. I guess a part of me wanted to prove wrong all those people who were already counting me out and… well, I guess I failed and proved them right.” Brian’s voice trailed off as a wave of shame and disappointed emerged from a deep void inside his soul.

“Screw them, B. Seriously. Screw them. Forget about them. Wasn’t this the same thing you told me when everyone made fun of me and my being overweight? Why can’t you follow your own advice?”

“I guess it’s… I know I shouldn’t care but…”

“I’m gonna repeat your exact words, B. – Nick replied. And he did still remembered all those times where the roles had been reversed and it had been the older man comforting him and telling that he didn’t and should never care for other people’s approval or opinion. They weren’t in his life, that was what Brian used to say. – They don’t know. All those people, all those so called fans, don’t know how hard you work every day, they don’t know a shit about you and your struggle. Don’t give them the power to drag you down because, as a matter of fact, you should be proud of how you sounded tonight. We should be celebrating, not doing this conversation.”

Logically Brian knew that Nick was right, not only because he was just using words that his old self had used years and years before, back when he felt like nothing could shatter his confidence. Nick’s words sounded true because there was a truth latched between those syllabi and that was that he was already a winner because he hadn’t given up, because he still found the strength to go on a stage even when he knew that he was going to mess up and being far from perfect. Logically Brian knew that there were going to be good days, when he would feel like the war had finally ended and he could be and feel as his old self, and bad days and times when it would just seem that there wasn’t any chance to heal and recover. Times when he would just look at his own reflection and wondered where the old warrior was hiding and where his strength had disappeared. Logically Brian that he shouldn’t dwell too much on things gone wrong, that he should shake away those feelings off and just focus on the after, whether it was a morning or the next song or album. Logically Brian knew that the road to recovery and healing was a bumpy ride but he should remember that it would come to an end and that destination was just a few miles away from him. Logically Brian knew that what he should do was just to listen to Nick and believe his words. But it wasn’t that easy.

Not especially when Nick was so far away from him, not when he couldn’t look into his eyes and knew that he wasn’t lying or just trying to make him feel better.

“I wish you were here with me. – Brian admitted with a longing tone, his voice rough for the singing and for holding back the tears. Damn, he didn’t know why he missed Nick so bad that night. More than usual, at least. – It wouldn’t be so hard with you here. You usually can’t stop talking until I agree with you.”

“I still can do it, you know? I still can talk to you for hours and hours, even if it’s just by phone.”

“But then you can’t shut me up with a kiss.”

“Now, sir, you have brought up a good point. – Nick had to agree and, though Brian couldn’t see him, a small smile appeared on his face as he leaned his hand on the door. – I can’t kiss you through the phone, not matter how smart those are.”

“No, you don’t. So, what’s your plan? It’s not like you can jump on a plane and come here just for a kiss…” There was a tug on his heart, a pull of strings as he lost himself for a moment in that imaginary scene, opening the door and finding Nick standing there for him. And that was something that could cheer him up.

“Well, Brian, you’re right. I can’t jump on a plane because…” Nick trailed off, his fingers trembling as the hand closed in a fist. No, he wasn’t a patient person, that was the understatement of the year. How he had managed to keep up that façade had been something mysterious even for him, especially after seeing the look, that sad and hurt look, on Brian’s face from his hiding corner in the hotel hall.

“Because you haven’t even thought about it or because you didn’t find a ticket?” Brian asked, though a little voice inside his mind had started to whisper another thought, something that was so longed but yet couldn’t be trusted to be true. What if then Brian would end up disappointed? What if it was just his imagination and his desire to be with Nick?

A wave of silence filled the air. Brian’s heart started to beat a little bit faster and a little bit harder, the apprehension of what that silence could mean. Did Nick really...? He was crazy, that was sure. Friends always stated that Brian was the most romantic in the couple but, out of the blue, Nick would suddenly pull out something that didn’t have anything to be ashamed if compared. Like celebrating their first anniversary for a whole month just because he couldn’t believe that they had managed to last that long. But this... this was something more than words could explain because it was crazy.

Too much crazy.

And so Nick.

The knock came just as Brian rose up on his feet and turned to open the door. And there... And there stood Nick, looking more dashing than ever, looking more beautiful than Brian remembered because that was the price a love might had to pay when distance was involved: time passed by, days turned into days and you couldn’t exactly remember how your loved one looked in the light of a sunny day or how his eyes turned to a dark shade when rain started to threaten to pour down. There, in front of Brian, stood Nick and it wasn’t a fragment of his imagination: Nick looked tired, worn out by rehearsals and the hours of the flight. But still Brian’s heart made a cartwheel inside his sternum, a jump as if it was on a roller coaster and his car didn’t want to stop the ride.

“I can’t because I’m already here. – Nick said, turning off his phone and pulling it inside his pocket. – Ehi stranger.”

Brian didn’t reply. He didn’t even to take steps to erase distance from Nick because they were already as close as possible: he cupped Nick’s face with his hands and then kissed him, trying to convey in that kiss all the love and appreciation for that gesture. For being there, for knowing that he needed his physical comfort more than ever, more than words could and would ever be able to pronounce and convey.

“You’re here. - He just breathed out. – You are really here.”

“You needed me.” Nick replied, brushing his lips against Brian.

For a moment Brian couldn’t find something to reply. He just looked into Nick’s eyes, shining so brightly with stars of love and planets of an endless devotion, knowing that the same emotions could be found inside his blue. Brian just looked at his lover, his best friend and soul mate, and knew that he would never be able to tell him what those three words, really meant to him. They were true, oh they were! They were a truth that Brian had fought for so many years before accepting, before realizing that admitting that he needed someone didn’t imply that he was weak and fragile. On the contrary, admitting to need someone was that most courageous step someone could make, giving himself to someone and trusting them to support and carry them out any storm.

“I’m always gonna need you. Always.”

Brian clung to Nick and, with a simple movement, he erased all those empty spaces that stood and kept a distance between their two bodies; Brian clung to Nick as a child would do with his favorite toy or with that blanket that always managed to make him feel safe and protected: that was what Brian felt when him and Nick were one, when no one could tell where one body ended and the other one started. Nick was his safe place, his safe hiding spot where he didn’t have to force a smile or faking that things were going right or good: draping his body over Nick’s, being him that blanket that covered his lover’s body, was like lowering a curtain between him and the world. In that space and time, in that fragment that belonged only to them where silence was created by two hearts beating as one and whispered words spoken with caresses and touches, Brian learned that he could let go of his desperate need to always put up a good and brave face. There, even for a couple of hours, he could let go of all his fears and insecurities, knowing that they would meet lovable hands that would strip them and made them feel like they weren’t monsters or enemies.

“So you really think that I did a great job tonight?”

Kisses, soft touches with the same consistence of wings of a butterfly ready to fly, landed upon Brian’s head as hands started to travel up and down the skin. The moonlight crawled from the window and made its way until it was caressing those features and those lines that had been part of Nick since his eyes first landed upon: time and struggles, worries and pains, had never dared to leave an echo of their passage, painting that face with shades and brushes of an ethereal tone as if it belonged to an angel. The most beautiful angel that, for unknown reasons, had decided to grace Nick’s life and change it forever.

Nick liked those moments, that brief moments when Brian belonged to him in ways that he had never thought they could be even possible: in those instants he was the rock Brian would hold on to; he was the mirror where Brian would bare his whole soul and each and every scar and frown. In those hours, days, weeks or months, Nick wasn’t that rebelled child who had to learn to love while trying to make sense of his role in the world: on the contrary, in that dimensions that was just his and Brian’s, he was a man who knew how to soothe an injured soul and whose only job was to try to make those blues eyes shine and smile again.

“Yes. Hundred percent sure. Hell, you were even better than me doing my part!”

“Now you are exaggerating.”

“Nope, I’m not. I can’t even hit those notes again and there you went, singing them as if they were the easiest notes in the world.”

“High notes have never been a problem.” Brian replied, hiding his face inside that spot between neck and shoulders. He breathed in Nick’s love, a perfume that no one else could sense or even try to guess. Nick’s fingertips rested on his back, drawing mindless figures and letters whose only aim was to lighten up the tension and relax those knots of nerves and muscles.

“You have always been an extraordinary and special exception.”

“If you say so...”

“Oh, I do say so. And you know that I’m always right so you just have to believe me when I say that you were amazing tonight.” Nick’s lips didn’t leave time or space for Brian to reply, covering their soul mates and silencing any objections that didn’t have matter, importance or sense to exist anymore.

Brian didn’t know what it was. Brian couldn’t even try to begin to explain that magic that seemed to be born when they were together. He didn’t know how it was possible for Nick’s body to change and turn into the most impenetrable shield in the whole universe, his arms into weapons able to fend even the most powerful enemy, and his kisses into words that erased any voices still ranging inside his mind. Maybe there wasn’t an explanation because that was just how love worked, something so intangible and invisible and yet so strong that he could defend and protect the person loved, even when the one hurting him was a part of his own self.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Finally I got to post something new! *_*  
> This story is the first I've written directly in English in a long time and it felt so good. Feel free to point out if there are mistakes =)


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